Why I live alone:
New Love: Why is the bed so cold?
J: That's where Thor sleeps.
NL: I didn't know you had a cat.
J: He's not a cat
NL: You let your dog sleep on your bed?
J: He's not a dog.
NL: Ewww You have a snake?
J: (Keeping this G-rated) No.
NL: Sits upright, WHAT IS THOR?
J: Sighs, he's a ghost.
Former NL: A what? And bolts for the door.
J: Dang. Resets the alarm and goes back to sleep.