Thor

As a project, I cut down several trees. For exercise, I would remove the leaves and separated the branches into two separate piles, one would be logs for my fireplace and the other, kindling. One sunny afternoon I came across the perfect lightning bolt. I beat my thunderous chest, without coughing, and flung the perfect bolt while hollering "I am Thor of Thunder!"  The act was witnessed by my neighbors.

Anybody that has lived in an old house knows that the house is filled with unexplainable phenomenon.  Doors opening and closing by themselves, shades rolling up without being touched; creaking floors when one is home alone; animals suddenly waking up out of a sound sleep and charging across the room; unexplained falls down the stairs -  the tripping over the dog excuse does not work when the dog was asleep on the parents bed, nor while the explanation is offered in a drunken slurred speech.  Unexplained broken windows - parents never bought that one either.

When I bought my house, a couple of friends confirmed that there was an elderly lady living in the house that was friendly and more of a care taker.  It was awkward at first, but since she was here before me, I was willing to share my new found property with a sweet elderly lady.

One evening, a friend came over and spent the night, sleeping on the couch. When I got up I asked how he slept. His replied he was fine, until he was thrown out of the couch. I immediately hollered, Thor you don't throw the couch over when company is sleeping in it!

 Thor was born.

 Oh, and the neighbors moved out.

Thor built a fire. I hate it when the fire department shows up. Something about flames shooting out of the chimney. I explained that was what the chimney was for, otherwise the fire would be all over the place in my house. He didn't seem to get it; he said the same thing of me.

It went down like this. I am jamming away to Freebird when a petition directing me to sell my drums is flashed in front of my face. It appears that the gophers living underneath my house don't like me beating my drums. I looked at the gophers, Thor... and said "Thor is the manager," handed him the flame thrower.

The rest took place in about the same instant. I turned back to the drums and hit one note; realized what I just did; noticed a bright orange flash reflecting off the TV; spun around and took off after Thor; grabbing fire extinguisher after fire extinguisher; discharging them as I pursued Thor, who was in the process of chasing the upset, flaming, alleged tenants outside.

We all got outside where the local fire chief met us. He looked at me and asked if I needed any help. (After all, he has dealt with Thor's shenanigans many times and we were all on a first name basis).

I looked into my house and saw nothing but white powder, the only thing smoking was the remains of the washer machine wires. The circuit breaker did its thing and shut off the power. I looked at the fire chief just as he made eye contact with the flame thrower in Thor's hand. The chief grabbed the flame thrower and left mumbling something unintelligible. I locked up and went to bed.

Decided to have some fun a Thor's expense. I woke up about 2:11 AM and decided to play with the drums. Cranked up the amp, all that could be heard was the hum of the amp and Thor peacefully breathing on the couch. I nailed the bass and 18" floor tom with all that I had. Thor went straight up, bounced off the ceiling, the wall; I caught him with an out of the park home run via a drum stick, through the front door; the screen door slammed him right back into the house and i whacked him out through the window. I heard a screech of tires following by a "boing." I think he got hit by a Saturn. He landed back on the couch. I went back to bed, with a Fire Extinguisher at my side. Payback is going to hurt.

A quiet night. After spending the afternoon at the VA, and the evening doing my taxes, I was looking forward to some drumming. I could not find a head to beat to save my skin (drum humor). So I was just chilling out when there was a loud bang at my front door. I opened it up and was greeted by my favorite Fire Chief. There was no smoke, Thor had been unusually quiet. So as I started to ask why the visit, I was interrupted by the chief exclaiming that 4 blow torches were missing. About that time I heard 4 whooshes followed by "Bring it!" The response was swift and quick, I've never seen so much water in my entire life, I think Tacoma Fire emptied Puget Sound.

So I'm laying there looking through where the back wall of my house once stood. Someone saying they were from joint base... I interrupted saying I took the pledge and don't do that anymore, he continued saying he lost a device in my vicinity. I stood up and pointed to my no longer there back wall, trying to say I had more pressing issues. He got on his talkie gizmo and said "Found it, send the 'team' over." About 20 men and women in uniform fell out of the sky and in a flash I had a back wall.

I'm going to bed. I think I'll skip my meds this morning.

PS God bless those who serve.